In San Francisco, artificial intelligence is now making its way into romantic life, from dating profiles and concerns about the future to the outright delegation of seduction to automated tools. On apps and at local events, opinions on AI sometimes influence the choice of a partner, and sometimes they don’t.
- In San Francisco, AI now influences romantic choices, from dating profiles to partner preferences.
- Some singles reject AI users, while others see wealth from AI as an advantage.
- Some AI researchers fear extinction, which shapes their plans for children and their future.
- Some daters delegate flirting to AI agents, which raises doubts about authentic human connection.
Irene, a 25-year-old analyst who moved to the city last year, noticed a trend on Hinge, a dating app. A prompt allows users to specify who they’ll get along with, and some answer bluntly: ‘Fuck AI’. These messages most often come from people working in the arts, nursing, or graphic design. Another profile specifies: ‘You shouldn’t date me if… you use AI.’
For some residents, AI occupies a place comparable to political opinions, displayed alongside party affiliation or symbols, like the watermelon, a sign of solidarity with Palestinians in the Gaza war. Others hesitate to date someone who builds these systems, weighing the financial benefits they might bring, or questioning the possibility of having children in an uncertain future.
An Uncertain Future
Kyle, a researcher with over 20 years at an AI safety organization, says he thinks about death. Some experts in this community estimate the risk of humanity being wiped out by an AI taking control at ‘10%’. This scenario influences his plans: having children, choosing where to live long-term, ‘if there even is a long term.’ ‘It’s hard to have that planning conversation, because I don’t really expect a long-term future,’ he says. He prefers to discuss these topics in person rather than via messages, so the other person can ask questions.
Bryan, who works at a cutting-edge AI company and asked to be identified by a pseudonym, believes on the contrary that these opinions matter ‘the least’ in a relationship. He acknowledges, however, that ‘there are a bunch of people who got rich off AI, and, you know, being rich is always a plus.’ Dating recruiters also confirm that some clients cite the title ‘AI engineer’ among their criteria, especially with the upcoming IPOs of Anthropic and OpenAI, announced for the following year.
When AI Speaks Instead of Humans
The use of AI also touches intimacy. Andromeda, an EMT and AI safety analyst, worries about the consequences of these exchanges on human bonds. According to a study by Elon University, 27% of Americans turn to chatbots for personal, emotional, or social questions. ‘I would definitely date a man who uses AI to express intense thoughts,’ she says, while remaining wary of someone who would mistreat a chatbot.
Others go further. Joseph, a 21-year-old software engineer, has entrusted an AI agent with the task of browsing Hinge on his behalf. This agent, tuned to mimic his way of speaking through fine-tuning (adjusting a model on specific data), sends the first messages, then reserves slots in his calendar. He claims to get ‘two closed conversions per week,’ meaning two dates. According to a 2025 survey by Match and the Kinsey Institute, 26% of American singles use AI tools to improve their dating.
Some, like JJ, 29, have left apps for personal documents published in the Date-Me Directory. She places the arrival of the ‘singularity,’ that moment when technology would escape human control, around 2029. A reaction of rejection is also observed, with ‘Stop the AI’ gatherings at major tech events.
